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I read the “not the onion” name before clicking but it wasn’t until I reached the end of the article and saw the author’s name that it finally clicked that this was in fact not the onion.
While reading the thing it all seemed “weird this doesn’t feel like an onion article even though the content is so much onion” and “are those references to other phallic stuff all from past onion articles too?”
My wife got a pair and she liked them, but she also got an offbrand one she likes a lot more.