writer/performer. dig queer perspectives, eye-opening experiences, and well-crafted plots that keep me on the edge of my seat.
I think the difference is that 1:1 I’m pretty okay — it’s just when I’m trying to engage with a group that I start to feel uncomfortable.
Also a gay dude if that changes the equation? Especially at concerts, sometimes all it takes to start something is the right kind of eye contact.
Socially, to echo another commenter, I remain in a fundamental way the same shy person that I’ve always been. One friend once described me as looking like a young boy in a built man’s body, which, especially when I’m anxious, is probably accurate.
At the same time, dating has transformed completely. I totally pull at bars/concerts and on apps in a way I didn’t when I was less fit. The nice thing about being shy and fit is that I can lean into the shyness coming off as being demure/adorable and people are generally down with that.
More than anything though, I’m healthy, and that feels really good. I enjoy leaving my house. I want to be in situations where my heart rate elevates and I engage my senses and work my body. In this sense, I feel like I put myself out into the world a lot more than I did when I was less fit.
Seems like an old soul in that tiny cute body