Cardiovascular disease.
I think it’s coming with me though.
In December 2022 I realized I skipped seeing my cardiologist for 6 years. Did a 24 hour monitor. Apparently my heart rate was dropping to 21 bpm and stopping pumping for up to three seconds. So in February 2023 they cut me open and give me a pacemaker. Months go on and I am still getting winded. So they did another heart Cath procedure (on the 28th) and it turns out my heart is doing worse than thought even, so in the next 3-5 years I’ll need a heart transplant. But the make up of my organ layout means I’ll need a specialist, which just all sounds so slim. I am 33 and so fucking tired.
I hope to leave some of this stress behind. I know there’s a lot I can’t escape now, but I hope I can leave some of the anger and fear behind. It’s been hard to be a good dad or partner this year just from feeling so stressed, and if I don’t know how long we will have I just want my daughter to remember a happier dad.
God I feel you so hard my guy.
I’m only a few years older than you and have ischaemic cv disease (blocked arteries). It’s a common problem in people twice my age. I thought I ate well and exercised regularly but it turns out that stuff doesn’t help that much if you lost the genetic lottery like me.
I had a heart attack this year, while my partner was pregnant with our first children. Yes 2x kids. They were born a few months ago.
IDK if I have 2 years or 20 years to do my best for them… but fuck it’s a bitter pill.
I absolutely get the dread / fear / anger.
Every time I have a new blood test that shows I’m more fucked than I hoped it just… hurts.
Working from the office
Long Covid.
Being woken up by fireworks wasn’t conducive of healing, though.
I find fireworks about as lame as firing guns into the air in celebration.
This fat.
80kg :(
Drinking and benzos
Conservative politics.
The word “literally”. I get that an entire generation would have no more superlatives, but it’s got to be done.
My anxiety but probably not going to happen.
It took me a very long time to realise that there’s no point worrying about things I can’t control, I needed to find ways to mitigate the risks or consequences.
E.g. I used to get very very anxious about traveling, e.g. for a four hour car trip. What is there’s heavy traffic, what if we run late, what if there are detours, what if we need to stop, what if the car breaks down…
Then I started working out what I could actually do about these things? What is in my control? What can I do to make heavy traffic more bearable (music and water)? So what if I’m late? I have a phone I can call. I can keep my car well maintained, I can drive calmly, and so on.
It’s not perfect, it’s anecdotal, but it was a mindset change that helped me. I mean, medication helped too… it gave me the space to be rational.
Best of luck! Happy new year.
Apologies if that all came off as preachy crap.
Lack of motivation. I need to start getting some of this shit done
