That’s a cell phone!

I haven’t opened any Christmas presents yet. We’re having a late Christmas due to crazy schedules for everyone involved.

Nah, he threw it on the ground. DUH!

Kagi. Nothing else even comes close. Kagi is what Google used to be, before they decided they’ll show you whatever is profitable, rather than what they know you’re looking for.

Wow, I can’t believe I never put that together before.

Or he’s living in a beach house in the Bahamas.

Maybe your brain is like “oh shit, maybe I need some oxygen too!”

Right, with modern context we can figure it out pretty quickly, after we learn that the term torch is used for flashlight. The first time I saw it i thought they were talking about a cigarette lighter

Because we have actual torches too. You guys don’t have actual soccers to get confused by. Given the right context we can figure out when you mean flashlight, but said torch.

That’s too bad. Apparently their holo lens was really good. But pricing it at $4000 meant most people weren’t interested.

The thread in general. After reading a bunch of the stories, it occurred to me that they are all homophobic. Men engaging in certain behaviors, or avoiding behaviors and activities to avoid being perceived as gay are homophobic. You make a good point though, I edited my response to make it more clear.

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Haha, I’m glad it was entertaining.

Salesmen are pretty good at judging what works with which people. It’s still really douchey and manipulative though.

I think it’s important to call most of these stories what they are. They’re not toxic masculinity, they’re homophobia, in the most literal sense of the word.

Edited for clarity

I watched an extremely drunk dude kick his own ass at the nightclub because I accidentally touched his hand when reaching for my drink. He started drunkenly yelling at me that I was some kind of homo for wanting to touch him. I told him it was an accident, and walked outside to have a cigarette. He followed me outside and tried to fight me. But, he was so drunk that I saw his punch coming a mile away and just stepped back a couple of inches. The momentum from his punch carried him all the way around in a circle and then he fell forward and smacked his head on a brick planter. The sound was awful. He knocked himself out cold, and blood was everywhere. I just went back inside while the bouncers tried to wake him up, and I never saw him again.

Isn’t being wet gayer than using an umbrella?

I heard a motorcycle salesman tell a customer to call his wife and ask if he could have his balls back for a couple of hours so he’d be able to make a decision on his own.

That’s fucking gay.

Hella gay. You need to engage in naked Greco Roman wrestling with another man to wash that gay off.