JakoJakoJako13

Nope. This is my spirit telling the story.

I drove 150 miles at highspeed on a highway at night through a thunderstorm during a nervous breakdown. That was just the return drive home.

Pitbull/boxer mix.

I still regularly play PS1 and SNES games. They’re just better too me.

Took my dog for a walk in this freezing ass weather two days in a row. Hes’ loving it. I’m freezing my balls off. I do feel so much better though.

Don’t lower AC below 68 during the Summer. Don’t crank the heat past 76 in the winter. We got a drafty house but it doesn’t need to be a summer atmosphere when it’s 20 degrees outside.

Also don’t run the water continuously while doing the dishes. That one was beat into me as a kid. Watching my brother and his baby momma leave the water running when they’re cleaning baby bottles turns me redder than a boiling lobster. Doesn’t help that Mom got us all together and said the water bill went up almost 100 since the baby was born. Took everything in my body to not point at those two like a dog snitching on his friend.

Go outside. Interact with real people.

Stop giving them ideas.

Yeah I saw it on the El. Poor dude just pulled his pants down and fucking went. Cleared out the train car at the next stop. That’s what you get when you take the late night trains.

Drugs is nothing. Vomit is nothing. I watched a dude drop a duce and thought now that’s something.

By hand. I’ve only lived in a place with a dishwasher for 1 year. During that time I felt like the dishes never got truly clean. Like if shit was stuck to a plate or bowl it would need manual intervention. If a pan sat for a day and shit got really caked on it wasn’t even worth putting it in the dish washer. I don’t see how it saves on water either. Like I don’t leave the water running while I wash the dishes. I don’t fill the sink. I rinse a plate. Turn the water off. Scrub it down. Rinse it again. Water is on for maybe 5-10 seconds a dish. Scrubbing does all the work.

Mentally, it’s kinda like taking a shower in the sense that my mind goes to a completely different place and all things that bothered me before are flushed out. That change in activity or environment really lets me process shit in a way that meling in front of a screen doesn’t.

I walk my dog.

Eggs and Bacon if I’m cooking. Scrapple if I’m feeling extra PA. If I’m not cooking and I grab something quick it’s usually a breakfast sandwich from somewhere.

Took the answer right out of my mind. Get me a hoagie or some candy and gas. Hop right on the turnpike and get the fuck out of PA.

I used to be involved in my local Warhammer/Wargaming scene. Like full bore painting, modeling, 3d printing, doing tournaments, having a bi-weekly club. Unfortunately I fell on hard times and then my baby brother had a baby. So had to sell most of my stuff. We live together that’s why. Can’t have resin printers around a newborn. That’s a super hard no. I kept the paint because I used oils instead of acrylics, but that never turned into canvas painting. I sold all my armies across like 7 different game systems. The only games I have left are Infinity and trading card games. It’s all just sitting in boxes in the attic right now.

I don’t know if I’ll get back to doing any of it any time soon. I got to get a job and a car. I wanna move to a new city, but unfortunately that city is turning into a fucking ICE stomping ground. One of my friends in the scene recently died and at his funeral almost our whole social group showed up. Sounds like we all scattered and haven’t been participating in hobby as much. Most people found other things to do.

It was a great run. About 10 years of a social life and something to do. At one point you think it’s never gonna end because it’s so good, but life will find a way. I hope to get back to it some day.

When I was a wee lad my little brothers were playing with matches in Mom and Dad’s room. All of a sudden Mom bolts upstairs with a pitcher of water and yells, “CALL 911, SAY FIRE!!! RUNNNNNNN!!!” Then like the flash I was on the phone in 2.98813ms. 20 minutes later I’m playing in a fire truck and a bed is getting thrown out of my house. That was a fun day.

That’s so far from true. It’ll be cost of electricity. Heat. Distance shipped. They’ll probably tack on some country border crossing fee. They’ll find ways to make it more expensive simply because it’s an earth shattering technology.

Disagree with prejudice.

At any given time there’s three functions going on in my head. There’s a stream of calculations that constantly flow. There’s my inner entertainment system that that translates those calculations to thoughts if they need to be translated. Then there’s sorting room with the file cabinet and shredder to organize that flow of thoughts.

When I say entertainment system I mean my inner voice and the ability to visualize just by thinking. Is the voice what’s traditionally considered a monologue? I don’t know. It’s nothing like Al Pacino giving a speech. It’s some of the worst narration imaginable. What I think is happening is my mind is doing calculations then using my voice to put those calculations into my consciousness for me to understand. The amount of time my mind shuts the fuck up is almost nonexistent. It does happen but, for it to switch from monologue to nothing requires intervention. I’m either filling my head with something to occupy it like music, or reading, or video games which in that case my head voice focuses on whatever I’m throwing at my brain with a little spillage. Or I’m seeking out a purposefully quiet environment where I can just go and ignore my thoughts. Almost like meditation but I’m no monk. I’m not sitting in some room with my legs crossed and my arms out falling asleep. I usually just find some place quiet outside and take in the world around me.

What really grinds my gears is the sorting room. I imagine it as each thought going to a room with a few filing cabinets and a shredder in it. That room can probably be broken up into bodily function operations, everyday needs operations, and emotional operations. The first two are functioning, it’s the emotional one that’s backed the fuck up and overflowing. There’s some shit that should have been shredded a long time ago. Some thoughts keep popping up because that particular filing cabinet is overflowing. It manifests itself as depression and anxiety. When my inner voice is concentrating on that, then I know I’m in for a tizzy. The narration goes from quiet nothings to fucking full blown yelling and screaming matches in my head. The dangerous part is resisting the urge…

Yeah this is my issue with it. I can find all the arts, Linux, and political stuff just fine. Sports, music, and places communities are seriously lacking. They exist, but are a shell of what you’d hope they’d be. Engagement is so low, it’s not worth bothering. The sports and music communities being so small and sparse is a real bummer.