The cops are unlikely to help you, wherever you are.

Instead, try social services, or a domestic abuse charity, they will be significantly more sympathetic and could potentially offer you support, or at least tools to try and deal with this situation.

The other thing is to protect yourself, go no contact or at least reduce it. It sounds from your short post that you are an adult and live in your own property - don’t let him in. If he has a key - change the locks. If he tries to break in then the police might help, try and gather as much evidence as you can (like a camera doorbell or other recording). Don’t answer any of his communication, if you can, block/delete him from all of your devices and social media. Personally, I would apply the same to your mother, that’s up to you, but it sounds like she’s at the very least enabling him, so isn’t looking out for your best interests, and you need to ask yourself if those are the kind of people you want in your life.

Life is too short to hang on to toxic people who harm us in the hope that they might change. Being related doesn’t make them worthy of your time energy or love. If they do eventually regret their actions and want to apologise and try to make amends, you can let them, or you can choose not to, both are valid.

Take care.

Because the powers that be and the systems they have in place (capitalism, Christian white supremacy, patriarchy, cis-heteronormativity) benefit in one way or another.

If they teach us that Julius Caesar was a bad guy and that it’s good he was defeated, then we might learn that our current leaders are often bad guys too, and that maybe we should do the same to them.

In the same way that if they teach us that Hitler took his inspiration for the holocaust from already firmly established American racism, we might learn that our own history is just as bad and should be fought against at all cost (which is also what we’re taught instead of the reality - the allies fought the Nazis because they threatened their own power, not because of an ideological disagreement).

That’s why we’re not taught (or only given a palatable token example) about working people fighting the owning class for basic rights, Black brown and Indigenous people fighting the Christian white supremacist establishment and winning, and other oppressed groups standing up to their oppressors (E: nor most of the atrocities they have and continue to commit).

Whitewashing history is always a deliberate act, and is always done in defence of the ruling class.

Alcohol gets absorbed by mucus membrane

Cue Eyeball Paul

I don’t know if this counts, but in terms of “proper” condiments I generally just stick to mayo and strong mustard, so here’s a good all rounder dressing/dip/marinade I’ve been using a lot recently:

• 2 parts dark soya sauce
• 1 part rice vinegar
• 1 part sesame oil
• fresh chopped chilli or chilli sauce to taste (I like Encona Original Hot Pepper Sauce and add 1/2 to 1 part)
• garlic powder or paste (or a couple of roasted and mushed up cloves)
• ginger is optional (personally not a fan)

EDIT, though probably far too late for anyone to notice, but I’ve just realised I forgot to mention an important ingredient: 1/2 to 1 teaspoon of sugar (or honey, or maple, or anything sweet).

All in a jar you can close, shake well before each use, will last in the fridge for ages.

Can easily be upgraded or adjusted to taste, goes with anything you want to make taste vaguely Asian - salads or roasted/stir fried veg, noodles, rice, meat/substitute… I love it with melted butter on sweetcorn, or on a cold rice noodle salad.

But for a diversity perspective, you’re picking the most immediately broad and comprehensive minority and majority/plurality groups available.

Not when one group is already vastly overrepresented, but well done on missing the point. Your congress is not diverse, and adding/keeping a white man in the mix is never going to make it more diverse.

you mean to tell me having representation of only like 20-30% of the population means you’re not going to do well? That’s weird.

And with that, thanks for demonstrating my actual point (and also that you are clearly conflating diversity with representation, as well as ignoring every statistical reality about the makeup of your government and population to build your strawman):

Everyone knows it, but few are willing to admit to themselves why - racism, sexism, and a bunch of others too

I know it’s so so scary to even imagine, but don’t fret, even if she had picked someone who isn’t a white man, you’d continue to be vastly overrepresented for no good reason at all…

“When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression"

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but to keep make the congress diverse

Because it definitely isn’t there yet, due to overrepresentation of white (cis, straight, Christian, abled) men.

So from a diversity perspective, she should have gone for anyone other than a white man, but instead she has to cater to white men who somehow still manage to feel like they’re lacking in representation, because picking a running mate that wasn’t a white man would have tanked her campaign. Everyone knows it, but few are willing to admit to themselves why - racism, sexism, and a bunch of others too.

Is he the best from the options she had? Looks like. But the options she had were limited.

The catch is that the love bomb goes away, and you become devalued after the love bomb. This is usually followed by a “discard phase”, where if you try to confront the behavior, you are rejected and made to feel at fault. After you’ve become upset by this, they will often start the cycle again to keep your loyalty.

To add to this point, to maybe enlighten people who haven’t experienced abuse and don’t understand how someone wouldn’t notice this or leave once they do - while love bombing you, an abuser will also slowly isolate you from everyone in your life you would turn to for support and make their opinions of the relationship seem unreliable.

Phrases like “it’s you and me against the world”, “no one understands us”, “they’re jealous of what we have so want to break us up” are big red flags because they’re the foundations of destroying your trust in anyone but the abuser, and making you entirely dependant on them for validation, which when not love bombing, they will deprive you of to break you down further (gaslighting).

Love bombing is the first step towards coercive control.

When the “other motives” are literal propaganda that helps maintain inequality at the expense of the people it exploits under the pretence of “help”, it is black and white to anyone who isn’t too busy licking boot.

How? How is directly and unashamedly exploiting poor people for views and profit (while promoting yourself as “self made” no less) better than whatever it is you’re referencing (presumably just another version of poor people being exploited for views and profit)??

Why do you feel the need to defend the indefensible?

Altruistic implies he was doing it out of the kindness of his heart and got nothing out of it, when in reality he was making poverty porn for profit and to further his own career.

I would say the most beneficial thing you could do for yourself instead of investing energy in to avoiding “feminine” workouts, is to work on unlearning the toxic masculinity that has created these false, sexist, and bioessentialist ideas in your mind in the first place.

Once you’ve done that you’ll be free to consider what exercises actually works best for you, rather than what exercises to avoid because you don’t want to be considered “inferior” (by yourself and others who harbour toxic masculinity).

Ok, I’ve had a proper read through now, I’ll admit there is a lot to process, but this a lot of sense (and some bits I was already doing without even realising, like trying to get space away from triggers).

I think my situation is tricky because the main person triggering me is my nibling, whose family I live with (I’ve been here since they were born and I’m often left to care for them during the day. Cuddling and playing and just spending hours on the couch watching cartoons with them used to be my escape, but for the past couple of months external stress has gotten worse, and after they “pushed me” on a really bad day and that brain switch has flipped, every time they want to be around me I feel like they’re “pushing me” and fight/flight which is the constant state of my autistic brain anyway, ramps up even more), so I can’t get away from them for any decent length of time, and they’re just a kid and it’s difficult to explain my growing boundaries (every time one gets crossed, by “hostile” or “friendly”, rationally I can tell the difference but irrationally they both have the same impact - a stricter boundary can’t help but pop up in its place, in self defence) and why I need them to stay away from me (or, if they keep “pushing”, why I’m suddenly horrible to them even though they don’t deserve it).

I don’t want to push them away, I rationally know they mean no harm and just want to give and be given love, but I also just need my boundaries respected.

The one thing I have avoided doing is reminiscing about good times because it makes me too upset that I’ve gone from that to this and I spiral in to a really dark place, but I do see how it might help, so I’m going to try my best to try it. I think some of the other advice is a little tricky for someone with sensory processing difficulties though).

Anyway, I won’t ramble any longer, thank you again, I’ve not actually talked about this to anyone else, and I feel like this exchange is a good first step to at least try and fix things.

I do wish I could find a descent therapist though… -_-

Wow, I wasn’t really expecting a reply, never mind something this through!

It’s past 2am here, so my brain can’t take it all in right now, so I’ll give it a proper read tomorrow when I can better process it and reply accordingly, but I just wanted to say I really appreciate your effort, thank you!

the behavioral pathway will flip and the calming trigger will start causing anxiety instead because that’s when you’re doing it most

You might have no idea, but since you bring it up I might as well ask - any way of reversing this once it’s happened? Recently my stress levels have been so heightened that that switch has flipped on some of the things (and people) that gave me most comfort and instead now they just cause me rage, and I’m struggling to find a way back (am autistic too which I understand can make this even harder)…

https://theconversation.com/whats-behind-the-gender-imbalance-in-top-level-chess-150637

Ding ding ding, we have a winner.

(edit to be completely clear: being queer myself, this is not something I am celebrating, just pointing out that you have the correct answer)

What I’m referring to is the idea of allowing myself to believe that a people group are less intelligent than I am just because they don’t align with me politically or ideologically. There is no actual handicap for which they are being discriminated against

They might not have a disability, but using intelligence based insults isn’t ableist because of that, just like calling someone “gay” as an insult isn’t problematic because the person they’re trying to insult isn’t actually gay, but because it frames being gay as a negative term and something worthy of derision and mockery.

Just saying that that kind of thinking sets up a “we’re superior” mentality that can too easily lead to the same kinds of consequences as thinking you’re superior based on race or social status.

It already does, it’s called ableism and it has such deep roots in society it is everywhere no matter political leaning, which is why it is rarely addressed - because most of society still sees it as perfectly acceptable that disabled people are inferior (even though ableism impacts them too, not just because accessibility and inclusion benefit everyone, but because people just don’t like to think about getting hit by a car, having a stroke, or just growing old, nor about their child being born neurodivergent for example).

Ahahaha perfect 😂