Anecdotal, and not a woman personally, but I’ve had a similar experience from days long gone; ultimately we ended up trying out different toys and the sucking sort of vibrator with lower settings was what got her past the “block”, but it was via masturbation. We’d only move it to our together time after she got comfortable with the sensation and desensitized, as she described it. In our part of the world the main brand name for this kind of toy was “satisfyer”, not sure if that is global though.

After a while it all just clicked and it became something more familiar to me too, with fingers and tongue (though she did still prefer sucking over licking, which for me as a young man back then was new, but very much a priceless enlightenment and a much appreciated skill I later had time to hone more) ultimately joining in and it all becoming something more familiar to my less experienced younger self.

What I’ve learnt since though, is that everyone is so wildly different, that just simply masturbating together, or learning to, if the other party/parties aren’t experienced there, has been key to lasting mutual satisfaction. And people and their needs/wants change over time, that’s also important to keep in mind. And masturbation is the thing that naturally reflects that. Just talk, talk, talk, and then experiment. Try and keep an open mind, and try to be accommodating. Change and new things take time. Try your best not to get frustrated or load too much expectations into the process. And try and understand the other party/parties are the ones having a harder time coming to terms with the fact that they could not meet your initial expectations. They have a lot of pressure due to this, though it’ll ultimately be mutually beneficial.

Also I’ve noted that it’s so easy to fall prey to thinking that you’re the one giving or somehow “improving” their life here, but this is, in fact, your need that needs to get satisfied. You want her to feel things she does not currently. It’s not a bad thing, this is how life is when you share it with someone, but do not think you are being the giving party here. This is your need, which she either chooses to accommodate and figure out together, or not. And you might best start accepting that this experiment might not lead anywhere, and that you might have to change your expectations accordingly.

As a young(er), morbidly curious and then still fairly naive dumbass, I went and clicked on some questionable link on a Reddit thread, and was introduced to something known as “Funky Town”.

That shit set me straight pretty well, been avoiding everything even remotely suspiciously feeling it might be or explicitly is gore-related, but the imagery alone still haunts me to this day, not to mention all the other stuff like imagining how any of the people involved must feel, both emotionally and physically.

I debated mentioning this by name for a fair bit, but I think this thread is specifically for this kind of thing, so I’ll leave it. Anyone clicking here is expecting horrifying things, so it won’t catch anyone off guard. But I STRONGLY RECOMMEND NOBODY GOES LOOKING FOR THIS SPECIFIC THING. You will not get it out from behind your eyes. Seriously.

Just answering your question. No matter how dystopian, it is the reality we live in.

I can’t see the benefit, what am I missing?

I would assume that since this whole thing is more or less a result of left-ish policy, and the opponent in the scenario is the far-right platform formerly known as Twitter, lead by the aspiring far-right icon Musk, the right-wingers would more likely opt to complain, cry several rivers and eventually turn to alternatives catered specifically for them (not even sure which ones are still alive after former tweetyplace took the crown) instead.

Haven’t done a vibe check on bluesky, but I assume it almost has to be more tolerant and potentially more progressive-ish than the old nazibirdhouse. If you lean towards the far right, why choose that, if alternatives exist?

This seems like the most sane take.

A computer can do a lot. But if you give the computer to a regular fish instead of a regular human, that’s just a regular fish next to a computer. Not very useful.

Sure. But it might be useful for someone to know this before dedicating time responding genuinely. If it’s still irrelevant, great. If it might change someone’s mind about spending their time, then also great.

Only giving context here. Might be relevant to some.

My reading comprehension is just fine, your lack of capability to understand context and tendency to deal in absolutes and binaries in a world made of wide spectrums, shades of gray and unpredictability, on the other hand, does not seem to pass the smell test.

Either you argue in bad faith, are intentionally a shifting contrarian or just not competent enough to either understand the world or at the very least discuss it with others in a way that makes sense.

Just to throw my two cents in: This user isn’t a genuinely curious ponderer, rather they are a Russian troll trying to fish for arguments they could further use in bad faith to lick Putin’s boot.

Just read through their comment history and make your own mind. This is not genuine and most everyone is just feeding the troll.

The question itself is worth asking though. A lot of good points here, but they’d be better given in good faith for someone genuine.

The way I understand the word, it’s more of a “fling”, or a short-term relation, as opposed to something long-lasting or structured. Which, for example, can be fully okay and include no shadiness if it’s communicated with the partner or partners.

I guess words change meaning over time, and since the default has been monogamy for so long, the word is still stigmatized and associated with cheating since it means something short?

As an example, single people can often be heard to have had vacation affairs, which wouldn’t imply cheating since they are single. But the word is used in that context too.

I’m not sure if an affair directly implies cheating.

There are many ways to coexist with a partner or partners, and many ways to cheat or otherwise lie/conceal stuff.

Neither as a premise include an affair, but both certainly can.

Yours is a somewhat more cynical way of writing it down, but the underlying mindset is one I share.

I prefer to see it as not expecting anything from anyone, rather than expecting them to disappoint you. It’s basically the same, but doesn’t feel as cynical.

It truly changes your life though, no matter how you see it. I can’t remember myself having been, in real life, angry or disappointed in people in great many years. Life is just so much better without those feelings, which seems obvious, but you can’t really emphasis that enough still.

It took me years of self-reflecting and “finding myself” in the process of overcoming a years-long bout of clinical depression. It’s not easy, but I do believe everyone can find that mindset, given enough effort and perseverance. Sisu.

Witcher 3 and Cyberpunk 2077. Both amazing games (latter after the many updates that brought it over to the good side).

If it’s “too” long (really, no such thing, but situationally this can be the reality) it can happen that life turns so that there’s no more time, and when I try to get back, too much time has passed and I can’t orientate myself anymore, can’t remember where I was and what I was doing etc.

On the other hand, I can’t start again either, for a few years, because I remember everything before the point I left off at, once I get into the places and puzzles and whatnot.

Annoys me to no end.

But c’est la vie.

Ah, now it makes sense. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you before, with a post about how can one plan to live alone for the rest of their life, or something to that effect, and it was exactly like this.

Seriously, I think you should not only consider, but also just straight out start therapy. And you should start it pronto. I’m sure Italy has a more or less accommodating welfare system that makes this possible. Takes jumping through a few loops likely, but my man, you seem miserable and it makes me sad to see anyone live with a mind like this. Life could, and should, be as tolerable as possible, if not even nice. I realize you are in a mental state where this sounds unrealistic or just out right hopeless dreaming, but I’m telling you, if you are in a western Europe country and have access to internet and basic utilities, you already have all it takes to make you happy. The rest of it is just improving mental health and attitude.

Best of luck, though I expect you won’t even consider any of this and will just continue taking the easy road of ignorance and giving up. And that’s fine, it’s your prerogative. But I truly hope you find some help and people around you to get you through this rut.

There’s plenty of work right there. Art is work. Training is work.

It’s not that you’d want to live without work.

It’s that you’d want to do work important and meaningful to you.

No need to undermine it.

I’m actually in a similar relationship, though not due to design or will, just life and happenstance.

My so has a great job with good schedule and it’s her “soul” job, not sure what the word is in English but maybe you understand.

I’m, on the other hand, struggling with finding a career I could sustain. I have ADHD so it’s kinda tough, but we make it work perfectly.

Nowadays I study an engineering degree, so I’m home keeping the place neat and cooking for her and all that, and she provides the funds for all kinds of fun activities and all the rest you know, food and such included. I don’t mind, though at first my toxic masculinity kind of fought against that and I had a period of feeling bad about it. But we talk a lot and are good with it, so we went through it and it’s been nice since.

But I can imagine it’s hard for a man without prior experience of such a situation, to acclimate. But I think everyone can acclimate to it and get used to it. Just need to have very good communication to get through the first rough couple of months.

The latter is actually a good point. I had almost forgotten how constant and combative reddit was at times with the far-right peeps and incels and whatnot. At the time it had become so normal, one didn’t even think about it. Maybe offer alternative ideas (= argue) a while or just ignore, but now that you mention it, I don’t think there has been many situations like that here, for me at least. Not to say that the enlightened centrists aren’t very much the same in practice, and those I face here every now and then. They just aren’t nearly as bad in substance.

Pretty much the same here. This scratches the very same itch that reddit did, but has several bonuses on top.

Salmiakki. Not the kind of similar salted liqourice, but actual proper salmiakki. Haven’t had a variation of that so far that wasn’t amazing and addictive

Most everyone I know have and daily drive one too.

The difference is in the having adhd and not having adhd department. They are very careful and dutiful with them. I can only ever attempt my best to be so, and it only takes the one slip of the mind and it’s gone.

I’m not saying having and using a bike is not safe. I’m saying having and using a bike is not safe, if you end up offering the low hanging fruit to thieves even once a while.