“…uh…n…n…nice shoes!”

I had seen this gentleman cleaning the floor near the bathrooms at a school district where I was working as a substitute at their district office one day. He looked like he was working up the courage to say something as I entered, but I really had to go.

When I walked out, he was at the end of the hallway, and as I was passing him, he said “…uh…n…n…nice shoes!”. I was wearing a pair of well-worn sneakers, the exact opposite of nice shoes. I just said, “…thanks…?” with a puzzled look on my face, turned the corner, and never saw him again.

Upon reflection, my best guess was that he was an individual with an intellectual disability and that his case worker (or therapist or family member or something) had been trying to help him overcome his shyness and become more social by giving someone a compliment, and that resulted in him mustering up the courage to tell me I had nice shoes.

In the moment, a VERY weird interaction. But he was being genuine, and I feel bad now about not showing him I appreciated his kind words.

“Excuse me, my friends…why are there two toilets in the bathroom?”

“It’s a BIDET, you asshole.”

two seconds later

“Jeezus, somebody took a dump in the bidet.”

• The Whoopee Boys, 1986

It certainly hasa bit of a “Paul Ryan gets soup kitchen employee to let him get pictures taken of him washing already-clean pans and giving a kid a pep talk and pissing off the manager” vibe.

I really want someone to punch this Vance kid in the weiner.

Hippies.

From My Name is Earl:

Philo : I gotta go tinkle.

Randy : Tinkle! That’s so stupid. I wonder what he uses for “going ploppies.”

jeezus christ

I’ve had students named Happy, Classic, Diamonds, Epiphany, Scorpio, you name it. I wouldn’t even cock my head to the side with a Khaleesi on my roll sheet at this point.

Him: Hey, when you’re out camping, do you enjoy it when you wake up in the morning and water vapor condensers on your lenses?

Me: DEW EYE?!?

Facebook up, hit the lawyer, delete gym.

I dunno, man, she wouldn’t have much of a crowd to perform to since malls these days are pretty much dead. I’m at a local mall right now (getting a kiosk phone case), but there doesn’t seem to be anyone around.

I edited my response to show the math behind it. And well played with the astronomy fun, didn’t even notice it. I am a math teacher with autism IRL, so I hyperfixated on the numbers!

It’s a Friday. Because all that matters in any date with a year greater than four digits is the last four digits, and July 26, 2024 is today, and today is a Friday. 😊

But, if I didn’t know July 26, 2024 were a Friday…

Step 1)

Starting numbers:

• Century is a multiple of 400: 2
• Century is 100 more than multiple of 400: 0
• Century is 200 more than multiple of 400: 5
• Century is 300 more than a multiple of 400: 3

2024 is in the century of the 2000s. 2000 is a perfect multiple of 400, so the starting number there is 2.

Step 2) 24 is a multiple of 12, specifically 12 x 2. Thus we add 2.

Step 3) 24 is a perfect multiple of 12 with zero years in excess, so we can add 0.

Step 4) There are no leap years in the 0 extra years beyond the closest multiple of 24, so we can add another 0.

Step 5) The Doomsday for July is 7/11. July 26th is 15 days after July 11th. 15 mod 7 is 1, so we add 1.

Step 6) 2 + 2 + 0 + 0 + 1 = 5

Step 7)

• 0 = Sunday (Noneday)
• 1 = Monday (Oneday)
• 2 = Tuesday (Twoday)
• 3 = Wednesday (Threesday)
• 4 = Thursday (Thorsday Foursday)
• 5 = Friday (Fiveday)
• 6 = Saturday (Sixaday)

Our total was 5, so the date July 26th, 2024 (or any year with the last four digits 2024) is a Friday.

I never yuck anyone else’s yum. But I personally just want a burger with a side of fries, hold the religiosity.

They’re all over the packaging.

They disappointed me unforgiving when they dropped the size of their $4.00 Large Frosty down to 12 oz. I was like no, I ordered a large and she said, “Yeah, this is a large.” It was the same size as the little white cup they give you when you ask for water.

Being served bible quotes kills my appetite, so I’ve never had In N Out.

“Again, we want to make clear our unreserved apology to Anna Landre and we are making every effort to ensure this doesn’t happen again.”

That’s the thing though, isn’t it? The entire point of her advocacy…of anyone’s advocacy when it comes to their disability…is for able-bodied people to think ahead to make sure that the same services they enjoy and places through which they can travel can also be accessed by disabled people as well.

Apologizing ex post facto and “making every effort to ensure this doesn’t happen again” really just means “we’ll make sure we have ramps available next time.” It doesn’t mean they are committing to choose well-contrasting colors in their documentation for ease of reading for color blind people, or that as a matter of habit they will have sign language interpreters on call for every event, or any number of other things. The “Oops, We Dun Goofed” apology promise is almost always just to not to do that particular goof no more.

Indeed.

I can read UPC, ISBN, and EAN bar codes. Tear the numbers off the bottom, hand me the lines, and I can tell you the numbers you tore off. Also, if you give me any specific date on the Gregorian calendar (on or after October 15, 1582), I can tell you the day of the week it was or will be on.

Finally…way less interesting…but I have a Master’s degree in math and have taught elementary, middle school, high school, dual credit, and college math classes.