Almost all my life I’ve absolutely despised children. Pretty much from the moment I stopped being a child I’ve hated being around children.
It doesn’t even matter what the child is doing. Whether they’re laughing and having fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum. The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.
I’ve had to leave social gatherings/restaurants/grocery stores all because if I’d stayed I’d have made a complete ass of myself by screaming at a child just for existing.
It’s even worse with infants which makes me feel horrible because I know they can’t help it. I know the kids don’t know any better and it’s our job as adults to get them through childhood, but my blood boils when they get loud or demand attention.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is there anything I can do to stop from getting so angry?
There was probably a moment when you decided to dislike the “child part” of yourself.
Normal people start being a grown-up, but do not totally turn away from that “child part”. It is still there. It is always there. It is a normal part of a normal life.
Try to make amends with that part of yourself, and allow it to resurrect in you.
The more of these comments I read the more I’m starting to realize it’s because I wasn’t allowed to be that loud kid.
The moment I started getting loud whether happy or sad I just got punished.
Resentment through jealousy I suppose. Looks like I have some things to think about
My husband had that kind of childhood too, and loud kids really trigger him, just like you’ve described in your post.
I was also expected to be very quiet and perfectly behaved, and have also struggled with resentment toward rowdy children as a result. Even now, at 39 years old, I sometimes want to retaliate with an Aztec death whistle.
Therapy can be really helpful in learning to deal with that resentment. If possible and reasonable, so can talking about it with your parent(s).
Several years ago I said to my mother, “I’m feeling angry right now because I’m thinking about that loud kid we saw in the store today and remembering how I had to repress myself as a child.” Then we had a really productive conversation about the pressure to defy stereotypes about poor parents, being a parent with unrecognized and unsupported neurodivergence, and sensory issues.
I hope you’re able to dissolve a significant amount of your resentment, too. In the meantime, there’s a kind of reusable earplug that reduces noise just a little bit so you can still have a conversation (can’t remember the brand name though).
That’s a great insight for you to have! It’s easier to address a struggle if you can identify the root of it ❤️ Also many of us can empathize with being treated that way as children.