followed with ‘I wasn’t aware is so important to you. I didn’t want to insult you and if you felt so, I apologize. The word fuck is one I use very often, but I’ll try to control myself around you’
Note I didn’t insult the coworker (no fuck you or fuck off), but simply said ‘fuck’ out loud due to a job error.
Why would you need to apologize at all? You swore. It’s not a big fucking deal.
No, but the swearing is immaterial. That apology isn’t, so let’s break down the likely interpretation a bit.
I didn’t want to insult you and if you felt so, I apologize.
This is probably the most egregious part, since ‘I’m sorry you felt offended’ isn’t actually an apology, it just sounds like one. You’re not actually apologising for anything you did.
No matter what it is you might have wanted or intended, the fact of the matter is that you did offend your coworker with your swearing.
The word fuck is one I use very often, but I’ll try to control myself around you’
This part is fine-ish? I’d leave off the “around you”, since it’s extraneous. They don’t need to know that you’re deliberately taking exception around them.
I apologize. The word fuck is one I’m used to using, but I’ll try to avoid using it.
Seems a better way of putting it. You made the error, you apologised, clean and cut. No need for unnecessary explanation that could be taken as excuse, or unnecessary exceptions that may taint your intended message.
Maybe accompany it with an apology muffin or something.
Lmao, you forgot the apology part.
“Look, I’m sorry I’m such a foulmouth asshole. I’m trying my fuckin’ best, but this shit is harder than shit. I’m a cunt hair from beatin’ this shit. I’l try not to be such a cunt going forward. We good? Cool, Fuckin’ A.”
This is a terrible apology. You make it all about then instead of your actions and then don’t even say you won’t do it, but only that you’ll try to do it…and then immediately dropping the f bomb throwing out the window any chance that you’re “trying” means anything.
Really not a good apology.
It comes off as looking down on the other person.
Note I didn’t insult the coworker (no fuck you or fuck off), but simply said ‘fuck’ out loud
So it is all just bad behaviour on your side. You can apologize for that: Your own behaviour. NOT the coworker’s interpretation of it.
is it an office. if so the apology should be more about your behavior in a professional setting not just around one person. If its blue collar it might apply if members of the public are around.
This is a solid point.
In a polite environment like an office, if one person was offended enough to call it out, there’s a huge chance others feel the same way.
I mean there will always be Karen’s who flip out that you’re just eating chips loudly.
But It’s up to the company culture to decide how to approach it as a whole, rather than address it with a single person.
Somewhat. the office environment is the employers and generally follows a civil discourse type of rule. Again in blue collar if your on a site and everyone there is just a worker then usually swearing is commonplace but if your doing a job at a home and the homeowners are around its generally frowned upon. Public businesses usually do not allow it but will let it slip if its not confrontational or often. So basically the apology is more about the owner of the space I would say and whats appropriate.
I work in a very large tech company. I curse like a fucking sailor around some people and use my church voice around others. Expletives lose their punch when used too often.
I wouldn’t apologize or bring it up further. The time for an apology about language spoken in the heat of the moment is as soon after as possible.
The best apology is a change in behavior.
Good luck navigating this, you can see how contentious a topic it is by the comments in this thread. But it boils down to know your audience, and believe people when they tell you they have a problem.
I remember working in the London UK office and we curse non-stop over there it’s great. Whenever our colleagues from SF would visit they would always be surprised how much we swear. I’d see them do the turnaround like, ‘what just happened?’.
Don’t add the while your around bit.
I’m going to work on improving my language, and I’ll be mindful going forward, it’s a very deep habit, so please bear with me.
Also, don’t say, “I wasn’t aware it was so important to you.” That’s definitely a trigger phrase.
Try, “Thank you for letting me know this is important for you,” (or “how you feel”) instead.
I am going to work on improving my language, and I will be mindful going forward. It’s a very deep habit, so please bear with me. Thank you for letting me know this is important for you.
Not too shabby!
Yes! Love it.
I hear “I wasn’t aware” as sarcasm a lot.
“Oh SOWWIE I wasn’t AWARE I couldn’t shit on the floor!”
Vs
“Thank you for letting me know it is important not to shit on the floor.”
Dunno. I’d expect grown ass adults to be able to put their personal feelings aside for the sake of professional obligations. If your coworker is gonna get upset at everything, he’s not in for a very good time.
I agree with the sentiment, but if we’re going to make that argument based around professionalism, I would also have to argue that it’s not very professional to use that kind of language in a work setting.
So maybe this is a situation where both sides can grow.
it’s not very professional to use that kind of language in a work setting.
That depends massively on the profession, setting, and context.
Restaurant kitchen where something gets spilled, a trade where something unexpectedly breaks, a couple lawyers without anyone else around finding out their client is on camera admitting to the crime, etc. are all fine to say a calm ‘oh fuck’ as a reaction. Someone in an open office who yelled it because their code didn’t compile would not be acting very professional.
OP is a nurse in a hospital.
If no patients were around then an excited utterance gets a free pass.
It may be more common among certain job types, but I don’t think that makes it professional behavior to do so regardless of the type of work.
Any outburst would be unprofessional, a specific word changes nothing unless directed at someone.
Found the op’s coworker.
It doesn’t seem to me that OP’s coworker had an issue with professionalism. Rather, they seem to have been triggered by the use of the word
Than replacement words shouldn’t be acceptable either, you can either express your frustration or you can’t. A choose of word shouldn’t make a difference, it should be unprofessional to make an outburst at all if that’s the case.
OP came to share a thing they’re doing and you built this story as a extremely sensitive coworker?
Getting offended by “fuck” is very sensitive behaviour
Extremely.
You don’t have to say anything, just change the behavior around them. If you’re required to apologize, “I’m sorry. I’ll work on that.” should suffice
Not everything is about what we’re “required” to do. If op wants to apologize, why try and talk them out of it?
I agree. Id prefer to just address it openly and directly.
I would censor the work f–k because it might come off like you’re being passive aggressive and aren’t really trying. Reminds of the time the actor that played Burke on Grey’s Anatomy called the actor that played George a fa—t, then made a public apology saying he’s sorry he called him a fa—t and that he wont say fa—t again, except he said the word. People got even more pissed, and I think he was fired from the show. 🤦
I previously made a comment on how I’ve learned to apologize if you’re interested.
I would censor the work f–k
Instance checks out
Comes across as a snide non-apology to me. Regardless of whether an apology or whatever is warranted, the phrasing here sounds nothing like an apology if that’s what you’re going for
My neighbor passed away and a new family moved in. Talking with dad, I noticed he didn’t swear much. I said a handful of curse words the first few times we talked. I noticed he was a little put off. So I just made a conscious effort to not curse around him. Never apologized, just tried not to. Pretty sure he’s noticed and appreciates it.
I hate your coworker
